I think I deserve some sort of award for my amazing accomplishment of posting absolutely NOTHING for the full month of September.
Here’s the thing, y’all. Life is messy. And I don’t mean tidy-it-up-real-quick-so-no-one-notices messy. I mean the kind of messy that’s impossible to miss. I mean let’s-call-TLC-because-we’ve-got-a-hoarder messy.
Love troubles, school troubles, you name it. I’ve been a disaster this semester.
I’ve been feeling lost. Like I’m not where I’m supposed to be or doing what I should be doing. I’ve agonized night after night after night that I’m not the girl I used to be. And that’s a bummer because I LOVED that girl. She was self-assured, happy, and faithful.
I wrestled for a while with my testimony. It started to flicker over the summer because I was not properly feeding it. Over the past couple of weeks, though, I’ve felt it grow strong again. I can’t explain why. I guess it’s just that I started caring again and I started working for it again.
And little-but-significant things have been happening to me since March, all building up to a decision I made this weekend.
I want to serve a full-time mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
What does this mean? Well, it means that for eighteen full months I will devote my life to sharing the Gospel and serving others in order to serve the Lord. I will send in my paperwork soon and receive an assignment that could be almost anywhere in the world, speaking nearly any language. I will spend time in a Missionary Training Center learning how to be an effective missionary, and then I will be put on a plane and flown to my mission!
In the General Conference of the Church this weekend, the prophet Thomas S. Monson announced that sister missionaries may now serve as young as 19 (instead of the former age requirement for women, which was 21). This is a huge deal for many girls who hesitate about serving because the timing is difficult or because they feel they should get married instead…as for me, I would have been able to serve in June anyway, but I honestly did not feel the inclination for a long time. I kept thinking about it and quickly pushing the thought away out of fear. Eighteen months is a long time, after all. And I have a life here in Provo, a very full life.
But when President Monson made the announcement, I felt a surge of the Spirit telling me that not only was this divine revelation for the whole Church, it was also a revelation meant just for me. It was the answer to my prayers.
I called my parents and discussed it with them, who assured me they feel like it’s a great decision.
Nothing has been carved in stone just yet, but I have a meeting with my bishop next Saturday and I feel pretty durn sure about this decision. It’s frightening, but I also feel an incredible peace when I think about going forth to serve.
I’ll keep you posted!